He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize