YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
