You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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