I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
