You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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