Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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