If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
