I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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