Where did you get a picture of my penis
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
