My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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