This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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