your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
