I CAN MOONWALK!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
