bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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