I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
