Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize