one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
