Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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