I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
