She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
