he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
