I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
