I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
