so that wasnt chicken after all
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
