We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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