I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize