Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
