after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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