I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
