I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
