i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
