turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize