Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So squirting runs in the family.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I came so hard my ears popped.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
