I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
