Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
