Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
