Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
