I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
