If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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