i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
