For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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