I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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