haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
