I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
