omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize