What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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