I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
