I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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