You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize