im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
