You're so nebulous sometimes
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize