Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
