We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
