Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
