I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So here I am, sexting at work.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
