Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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