Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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