Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
