weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
