So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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