there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
