im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
