remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
