Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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