Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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