Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize