I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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