I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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