a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
