Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
