I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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