Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
