I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
