I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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