Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can you bring me the toilet please
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
