Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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