Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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