My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
