my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
