that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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