sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
