She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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