I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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