I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
