Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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