I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
