Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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