Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
