she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
