I want to stick my p in your. b.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
