I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
