Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
