I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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