1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
