You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize