so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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