hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
