this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
