i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
