can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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