does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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