What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i've created a new STD.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
