Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
