I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
