so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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